You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.

Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.

You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.

The trash can is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.

Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.

Your dog sleeps with you.

You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but the dog understands them all.

You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.

You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.

You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.

You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog is more comfortable.